Under the Water
by anneryn7
Summary: AU. Stefonnie. Possible trigger warnings I just feel so alone, sometimes. My anxiety can become crippling. I can normally keep pushing ahead, until I just can't anymore. I have to stop and reassess and breakdown. I embrace the pain and I let myself feel it. I deal with it and I let it out and I'm good again.


**A/N: Hey all! I've been working on updates and some oneshots. I haven't written a Stefonnie fic in a while.**

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 **Song Suggestion/Music Inspiration: "Under the Water" – The Pretty Reckless**

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 ****Possible Trigger Warnings (anxiety/depression)****

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I sat with my feet in the lake. I wasn't far from the bridge that I often come to think. Something about the water is so calming. Water can be so volatile and so disastrous. But it can also be cleansing and serene.

If I were underwater and it was filling my lungs, I would be drowning. If I was floating along, on my back, I could see the birds flying and the clouds in the sky. Swimming and bathing have always been so therapeutic for me.

Often, my mind drifts in the other direction. I'm always thankful that I've never been pulled under. It would be so easy to fight my way out of the water, just to drown.

I'm thankful that my will isn't weaker. Giving up has never been an option for me. I'd like to think that even if I did fall under water, that I could pull myself out of it.

Something about sitting here makes my problems seem so small and insignificant. I can cry and breakdown and the water won't judge me. The fish and birds will keep my secrets. I fall apart here, so I can keep it together everywhere else.

I just feel so alone, sometimes. I miss Grams. I have different triggers, sometimes. It's not always the same thing that will set me off. My anxiety can become crippling, sometimes. I can normally keep pushing ahead, until I just can't anymore.

I have to stop and reassess and breakdown. I embrace the pain and I let myself feel it. I deal with it and I let it out and I'm good again.

Lately, I've been writing everything out. I either burn the pages, or bring them here to float away. It sounds stupid, when I say it aloud, but it's been helping.

"Bonnie? I thought I would find you here." Stefan said, as he came walking over to me. I wiped my face with my hands and prayed that you couldn't see any evidence of tears.

"Hey Stefan, I don't think I've ever seen you out here before." I told him, taking care to keep my tone light.

"I was looking for you and Damon told me that you come here to think, sometimes." He explained. I nodded with a sigh.

"Damon has a big mouth." I breathed. Stefan laughed and it warmed me in a way that I wasn't expecting. I've missed him. He's been away traveling. I didn't realize that he was back, already.

"He does, but that's not new. How have you been? I've missed you." He pressed. I gave him a noncommittal shrug.

"I've been okay. I've missed you, too. I thought you weren't going to be back for at least a couple more weeks." I deflected. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into him. It's always hard when your best friends are away. Caroline is visiting Klaus. Matt stays busy being the new sheriff. And Stefan was away traveling. Damon was here, but it wasn't the same.

"I was going to go to Ireland, but I came back early. It wouldn't be the same without my best girl going with me." He replied. I smiled and leaned closer to him.

"Goddess, I've missed you. You really came home to see if your best friend would go on vacation with you?" I asked him.

"You say that like it's not a good reason. You know I love you, Bonnie. Any trip would be better with you there. We could research lore, so you can add to your book." He suggested. "Besides, we haven't made anything official, but we both know that you're more than my best friend. You're my girl."

"Your girl?" I echoed. He nodded.

"If you want to be," he replied.

"I do. You know that I love you." I told him.

"Then it's settled. You're my girl. Now, are you going to tell me how you actually are?" He pressed.

"I've been feeling overwhelmed. I come here to let everything go. Things were beginning to be too much, so I came here. I just needed to be with nature and let the water wash away the rest." I admitted.

"You could have called me, Bon." He reminded me.

"I didn't want to bother you." I sighed.

"You never bother me." He promised. I chuckled and nodded.

"I'll call next time." I assured him.

"Next time I'll be with you." He said, before turning to look at me. He touched his lips to mine and I melted into him. There's just something about Stefan that has always drawn me to him. "Come to Ireland with me?" He asked.

"Of course, I will." I smiled.

"How are you feeling now? Do you need to talk? Cry? Let it out?" He pressed.

"I did, before you got here. If we could just sit here a while longer, I'll be okay. I've already cried and released my journal pages. I just need to be at peace with nature for a while, and I'll be okay." I explained.

"About a bubble bath and a foot rub from your boyfriend later? Do you think that would help, too?" Stefan offered. I grinned at him.

"Probably, might need a glass of wine, too." I teased.

"I'll even make you dinner and give you a full body massage." He told me, kissing my neck. I gasped at the sensation. I felt warm all over and I definitely didn't feel so alone anymore.

I'm thankful to be here, letting the water wash away my anxiety, instead of drowning under the water.

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 **A/N: To clarify, this fic is about Bonnie letting herself hit bottom, so she can pull herself up. If you need help or feel hopeless, then please reach out to someone who can help you.**


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